Cacoethes scribendi

As so often happens, the dream world spilled into reality and I found myself in a half-awakened
state.  I used to revel in my dreams and drown out my daily trials and tribulations in the ecstasy of sleep.
In a world where my own desires were king, and reality’s rules were no longer applicable.  As if going
through a grocery list, I checked with each of my senses to test whether it was okay to leave my dream
state.  I could taste the foul state of my mouth,it was parched and tasted of the vomit I expelled a few
hours before in a drunken stupor.  My eyes were buried in my pillow and I refused to confirm whether it
was mid-morning or still the quiet night.  My whole body ached and was sore in places I had not known
existed. My skull pounded as I strained to hear the outside world.  The heavy, slow beating of my heart
was so loud and rhythmic that I didn’t know she was coming up the stairs until I heard the chime of keys as
she juggled her over-sized key ring.  She always did that, I often wondered whether she really had such a
hard time finding whatever key she was looking for or whether she felt more important, more responsible
because of how many keys she had or maybe was it the cheerful jingling ring they let out.  Somehow I
imagined she reveled in the feeling of importance, the feeling that society had left her with so many places
and people to be guardian over.

Does love come but once to our fleeting,
    temporal lives?
Or can our hearts be renewed over
    and over through it?
Are broken hearts forever broken and
    scarred,
Or do they heal, renewed and refreshed
    with every passing moment?

As for me I stand inbetween,
At a cross roads of sorts,
awaiting the proper signal, a bell or a
    whistle or green light,
to know when to go forward.

My heart no longer pounces
    after,
Each and every tugging of my heart, and
    mind,
Instead like a hunter, I wait and
    watch and consider,
When to loose the last of my arrows
    at the object of my desire.  of my quiver
I wonder Is it wrong to consider love this
    way,
Or is this the place where all
    battle scarred hearts dwell stay.

The sky was a dull grey and the clouds begun to roll in from the west.
The families had begun gathering up their children and prepared for the
long walk back to the parking lot.  Only a few hardy souls remained behind
and sat about in small groups eating the last of their food and talking
quietly.

Constantine Kim stood along the shore gazing out at the sea.  He waded
ankle-deep into the chill Atlantic ocean watching the clouds roll from
west to east,

He looked down at his gnarled, work worn hands and smiled grimly.  "Where has
the time gone?"  He wondered to himself.  He stepped deeper into the ocean and
in one graceful movement he shot out into the current and began to swim with
a slow deliberate pace toward the horizon.

Rushing past my frigid ears
a breath of

frigid breath of life,
brushing thru my hair,

8 Sorrow, Sorrow, Sadness, Sorrow
7 Silence, Solace, Madness, Follow
8 Pseudo, Smiling, Fakeness, Tomorrow

Suffer, Sinner, Lying, Grayness,
               Hopeless, You know.

Sunder,
Sputter,

Sorrow, Sorrow, Sadness, Sorrow.
Silence, Solace, Madness, Follow
Solo, pseudo, so low, hopeless, soul low,

Inbetween the passion of chasing love at first sight,

And waiting, baiting your time for the moment?  That’s right.

To hell with love and sharing and caring I say,

At least thats how I felt yesterday,

But now again my heart beckons for tender moments,

a hug, a kiss, a hand to grasp and a body to hold.

Make the most of every moment they say

Start fresh and anew the dawn of each day

Carpe diem, push push forward, seek the prize

the wise, bold man lives life before he dies

as for me I find thats not true,

7     Make the most of the moment

4     or so they say,

4     start fresh and new,

4    every, each diem

Carpe diem or sieze the day,

Carpe day

7     Carpe day or sieze the diem,

8     or is it something inbetween?

7     So it seems in all my life,

8     no easy answer, only strife.

Confused and dazed

7     Stunned and dazed I lie awake

Sorrow, Sorrow, Sadness, Sorrow,

Sorrow,     heartbreak,

Sadness,     heartless,

Solitude,     harrowed,

Silence,     harangued,

can you see the

that winter day when you did

for future fields fled

for foreign fields fled

when I gaze at your eyes

I see the depths and want to dive in

So deep, so dark, so beautiful

I want to fall in